becoming attached

Finally finished Becoming Attached by Robert Karen. Highly recommended for parents. But long -- 400 pages.

The author makes a potentially heavy, tedious subject more interesting by fleshing out the personalities of the various psychologists and analysts whose stories he is telling. Actually, their personalities are relevant to the the subject, which is the history and nature of attachment theory told within the history of child psychology.

It's a lot better than it sounds -- honest!

If you read it along with Hold On to Your Kids by Neufeld and Mata, you'll be as prepared as anyone can be to become a parent.

becoming attached, incomplete revenge

I'm about a third of the way through Becoming Attached by Robert Karen, Ph. D. An excellent writer, he explains the theory of attachment by telling the story from the beginning, presenting a narrative of the history of child psychology and psychoanalysis. The story, with its fascinating personalities and raging controversies, is compelling. The detailed accounts of emotionally deprived children from the various studies makes for a sometimes painful reading experience.

So, to give myself a break, I'm also reading a mildly engaging mystery, Jacqueline Winspear's An Incomplete Revenge, set in England between the wars.

currently reading

I finished Maria Chapdelaine. More on that later, maybe. Highly recommended.

I'm reading Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn (recommended, especially the chapter on time-outs) as well as the penultimate Ramage book. Will the author be tempted to kill off a significant character? A big difference between this series and the infinitely better PO'B series is the immunity from real harm possessed by the main characters. No one was safe in the Hornblower books, either. Ramage is just a way for a nautical fiction addict to keep from going into withdrawal.

books I've read in the past month

The Prisoner of Zenda by Anthony Hope
Rupert of Henzau (sequel to above)

Mutiny on the Bounty by Charles Nordhoff and James Norman Hall

Raising Your Child, Not by Force but by Love by Sidney Craig

A Very Private Enterprise by Elizabeth Ironside

Ramage books, 10-14, by Dudley Pope

St. Monica by F. A. Forbes

Winning Souls for Christ by Raoul Plus, S. J.

parenting from the inside out

How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive

by Daniel J. Siegel and Mary Hartzell

Lots of neurobiology that I didn't understand. But some of what I did understand is pretty interesting, especially the parts about the types of attachment we had with our parents, and how this will affect our attachment with our children. Also found interesting the discussion about "ruptures" with our children and how to heal them.

hold on to your kids

Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers

by Gordon Neufeld and Gabor Mate

A must-read for all parents.

Neufeld explains how and why our culture no longer supports the strong connection between parents and children, and why we must maintain a strong attachment to our children until they grow up. Without an attachment to us (think of it is a figurative umbilical cord between us), our children will not be able to receive the love and guidance they need from us.

Much discussion about peer orientation, which our culture sees as normal, but which is unnatural and a fairly recent phenomenon, historically. How peer-obsessed children will not get the parenting they need from each other, or from their parents. How to avoid this and communicate our unconditional love to our children, which we may take for granted, but many children will not.